America The Difficult

I have been back in the United States of America for a little over two months now.  That means I have been out of Europe for a little over two months, enough time to start missing things I’ve left behind; things like universal health care, job security, respectable  and intelligent heads of state, and friends.  I will, of course, make new friends and I have many of them in the US, just not yet in Houston.

It is unlikely that I will see universal health care in my lifetime.  Even though the Affordable Care Act is a big step forward, America is decades behind most other industrialised countries in providing health care for its citizens.

Job security for most Americans is a thing of the past and I even wonder how long this will continue to be the norm in Europe.

As for a respectable head of state, 2020 is not that far away and I am willing to ride the “Oprah for President” wave or any other wave that can put a human being who’s like, really smart in the White House.

When visiting, I had the impression that everything was easy in the US.   “America the beautiful” was also “America the easy”; easy because there are a lot of people to make things work, easy because I know the language, easy because stores are open all the time and easy because, well it is America and look how easy it is to become President…

Since moving back here, I find that not everything is easy.  Yes, there are a lot of people to make things work—according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are 158 million of them—but this does not always make things easy.  Take my bank for example.  There are so many people to make things easy that each time I call with a simple question, I get to talk to 3 or 4 of them.  A typical call will go something like this:

Confusing Recorded Automated Answering System (CRAAS):  Thank you for calling XXXX Bank.  Please enter the last four digits of your account number. If you are calling about xxx, please press 1.  If you are calling about yyy, please press 2 (and so on and so forth).  

CRAAS:  Please stay on the line.  A customer service specialist will be with you shortly.  This call is being recorded.

Really bad background music plays for a few minutes…

Customer Service Representative:  Thank you for calling XXXX Bank.  My name is John.  May I know who I am speaking with? (Doesn’t John know never to end a sentence with a preposition?)

Roberta:  My name is Roberta.

John:  May I know your last name? (John didn’t give me his so why should I give him mine?)

Roberta:  Bensky

John:  Thank you Miss Roberta (so why did I give him my last name if he doesn’t use it?)  May I have the last four digits of your account number?

Roberta:  9999 (Didn’t the CRAAS already ask me for this?  What has the CRAAS done with the last four digits of my account number?)

John:  Thank you.  For security purposes, may I send a verification code to your phone now?

Roberta:  Yes.

John:  May I have your telephone number (Don’t they have this information already?)

Roberta:  555-555-5555.

John:  Thank you.  Please know that XXXX Bank does not charge for this service but your telephone carrier may charge for this service.  Do I have your permission to send the verification code to your phone now?

Roberta:  Yes.  (Code arrives and I recite it to John).

John:  Thank you, Miss Roberta.  For security purposes, may I know your mother’s maiden name?

Roberta:  (I tell John my mother’s maiden name, but how old-fashioned is that???)

John:  Thank you, Miss Roberta.  How may I help you today?

Roberta:  I am wondering why I was charged $43.00 for something called “foreign exchange rate fee”?

John:  I do not see this charge on your credit card.

Roberta:  It was charged to my debit card.

John:  I’m afraid I only deal with credit card issues.  I will now transfer you to a customer service representative who specialises in debit card issues.  Please stay on the line.

Roberta’s internal dialogueOMG! WTF?

Really bad background music plays for a few minutes…

John:  Thank you for waiting, Miss Roberta.  I have explained your situation to my colleague, Jane, who will help you.  Thank you for calling XXXX Bank and have a wonderful day.

Roberta’s Internal Dialogue:  Well, it started out wonderful but is rapidly going downhill…

Jane:  Hello.  My name is Jane.  I am here to help you.  May I have your first and last names and your mother’s maiden name?

Roberta’s internal dialogueOMG!  WTF?

I feel it is important to note that (1) this bank HAS MY MONEY; (2) this bank USES MY MONEY WHEN I AM NOT USING IT; (3) this bank MAKES ME PAY TO USE MY MONEY; and (4) a reliable consumer magazine RANKS THIS BANK HIGH ON CUSTOMER SERVICE.

Why can’t banks be more like Lexus dealerships? (see Buying a Car in Texas – Part III (finale))